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A group of gals got together to discuss the highs and lows of the Japanese dating scene. Throw in some culture shock, the language barrier and a completely different set of rules and you have something like dating in Japan. The results were pretty interesting…. Christa: I was with a girlfriend in Shibuya and two men approached us on the street and we went out for drinks. I had heard that Japanese guys tend to be intimidated by foreign women. When I first came, I felt no guys found me attractive since they never looked my way. Christa: I actually approached someone on the train recently and he was totally ok with it but yeah it was kind of up to me to make a move. Rebecca: A similar thing happened with my friend. She even did it again just to double check and, nope…still nothing. Silence means no.
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Japanese guys will immediately notice the quality of your skin. Why are fair-skinned girls considered beautiful? Personality is also key! Japanese people show their feelings through actions rather than words. The preferred route, our expert tells us, is for the girl to act shy, which ups their cuteness factor and makes it easier for the guy to approach them. Being your usual flirty foreigner self-will just drive him away. Next up is personal appearance. While stating that of course different individuals have different tastes, this girl is adamant that the average Japanese guy prefers slim girls. Apparently a slim body makes a girl look more cute and fragile. Most guys want a girl who is smaller than themselves so they can feel manly and protective, and as most Japanese guys are themselves quite slim, their girls have to get pretty tiny.
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The way he approached me, he just had all the qualities I was interested in. He was attractive, older than me and seemed serious. Yet he was super-kind and gentle — though some people think he looks scary. But none of it was ever really serious or fruitful. And, I was much more into using Japanese back then. Anyway, I dunno, it just worked out. Worked out so well that they went on their first date the following evening, and by the end of the week Daisuke had confessed that he wanted Amanda to be his girl. I have a degree in education and I really wanted to work with foreign students, and Japan was the easiest place to get in. But life literally changed the moment I met him. A couple of months later he told me that his job was transferring him down to Fukuoka and asked me to come with him.
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The way he approached me, he just had all the qualities I was interested in. He was attractive, older than me and seemed serious. Yet he was super-kind and gentle — though some people think he looks scary.

But none of it was ever really serious or fruitful. And, I was much more into using Japanese back then. Anyway, I dunno, it just worked out. Worked out so well that they went on their first date the following evening, and by the end of the week Daisuke had confessed that he wanted Amanda to be his girl. I have a degree in education and I really wanted to work with foreign students, and Japan was the easiest place to get in.

But life literally changed the moment I met him. A couple of months later he told me that his job was transferring him down to Fukuoka and asked me to come with him.

I put all my trust in him and came down here. Five months later, in March , Daisuke rewarded her trust and they were married, with a baby on the way to boot. And with him being this typical Japanese guy, being really quiet and not having much to say, only exacerbated this communication barrier. When he met my mom, they were also in an intercultural relationship. But, initially, this stress, compounded by feelings of loneliness, isolation and being the focal point of intense scrutiny, was doing a number on her. Consequently, the normally outgoing Amanda acquired a mild case of agoraphobia and became something of a shut-in, and wound up gaining a lot of weight.

There are women here who are dieting before their doctor appointments because they fear the doctors will give them hell for gaining too much weight. In fact, the reason my daughter was born the day she was is because she was induced a week early. And me being naturally bigger, I felt like I was always being compared to them. Amanda has learned a great deal through these hardships, and shares her wealth of knowledge and experience through her blog and YouTube channel.

Men are just men. A lot of girls are just so fascinated about that. I told her the same was true for many Western men here — that many fetishize Japanese women, and the reverse was true as well.

So a lot of black women kinda side-eye white girls who flaunt their relationships with Asian men. If a Japanese guy is going to date a foreigner, this is what a beautiful foreigner is: a white woman. There are even articles that say black women and Asian men are ranked the least desirable. As for advice to women looking to land a great guy like Daisuke, she recommends taking the time to get to know yourself and taking a page out of that Japanese gaman perseverance handbook.

This column — part three of my series on black women with Japanese beaus and biracial children — will be the last, for now. The response has been tremendous, exceeding my expectations by a damn sight! So, thank you! Amanda blogs at ramandab-daisuki. Black Eye appears in print on the third Monday Community Page of every month.

Baye McNeil is the author of two books and writes the Loco in Yokohama blog. See www. Your comments and ideas: community japantimes. Click to enlarge. Sorry, but your browser needs Javascript to use this site.

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