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Now the website that doles out tickets for Voice tapings has listed Aug. Folks on The Voice spoiler sites note that the knockouts were scheduled for Season 16 too, then canceled at the last minute and replaced with the new cross battles. And be assured, Season 16 was pure folly. Predictable folly at that, which means the fact that the season ended with a deserving champ made it no less inexcusable. Fans who stuck with the show as it recorded its lowest ratings ever seemed most turned off by the aforementioned cross battles, which decimated Team Adam Levine and were dominated by Team Blake Shelton. Personally, I was just as turned off by extended early rounds that had talented singers disappearing for a month at a time. And most of all by a live finals that was shortened to just three weeks. The Voice is in dire need of a comeback season. A season with phenomenal talent. A season with suspense.
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The Top 11 returned to primetime because Casey Abrams was saved last week. Lord knows if he's accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. Producers were keen on trumping up the drama as much as possible, even going so far as recapping last week's results show with a graphic that mimicked a screenplay. But no more second chances," the Courier font typed out. Because if there's one thing us diehard "Idol" freaks love, it's having Nigel Lythgoe imply that last week's intense results were manufactured by a writer. The Top 11 also stopped by Entertainment Weekly for a photo shoot. Some of them even got makeovers. All that was missing from this "America's Next Top Model" homage was a campy egomaniac and an "I'm not here to make friends" declaration. Before I go on a rant about how season three's Elton John theme gave us some of the worst performances in "Idol" history and why in the world would they dip their toe in that pool again, let's get to the performances. Scotty blindly picked "Country Comfort" because it had the word "country" in it.
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Did you get it?

There is no such thing as a perfect Mormon family- regardless of whether the parents are sealed or not. Your attempts at being funny or lightening the mood may backfire, and your date may be put off. I am a soon-to-be Surgeon's wife and my boyfriend and I have started discussing the changes that are going to happen when he enters his residency. I was thinking the same thing when I read this. One red flag I have for Mormon girls is if they drink coffee. These garments will not be fun for dating, if you know what I mean. I completely agree, but I think the critical part is that he needs to talk to her. The Holy Ghost will testify that it is true. Should I stay or let him do his thing. We planned the funeral around his work and call schedule.
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The Top 11 returned to primetime because Casey Abrams was saved last week. Lord knows if he's accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. Producers were keen on trumping up the drama as much as possible, even going so far as recapping last week's results show with a graphic that mimicked a screenplay.

But no more second chances," the Courier font typed out. Because if there's one thing us diehard "Idol" freaks love, it's having Nigel Lythgoe imply that last week's intense results were manufactured by a writer. The Top 11 also stopped by Entertainment Weekly for a photo shoot. Some of them even got makeovers. All that was missing from this "America's Next Top Model" homage was a campy egomaniac and an "I'm not here to make friends" declaration.

Before I go on a rant about how season three's Elton John theme gave us some of the worst performances in "Idol" history and why in the world would they dip their toe in that pool again, let's get to the performances. Scotty blindly picked "Country Comfort" because it had the word "country" in it. Good thing it wasn't Nelly week because "Country Grammar" and Scotty would go together like singing and not smirking.

Jimmy Iovine's team is still trying to give Scotty suggestions and Scotty is still politely telling them, "Have you forgotten about my nuts of wonder already?

I'm Scotty Effing McCreery. Sit yo ass down and take a number. I'm unstoppable. Not only did Scotty sing the controversial "grandma" verse that Iovine's producers urged him to skip, but he stopped strumming his guitar Scarlet!

To reiterate, he sang a country song about his grandmother. Who was sitting in the audience. In a patterned blouse. He is going to win. All other arguments are invalid. While working with Naima, Jimmy Iovine confirmed what I've been suspecting all along. If he was in your group of friends, he'd be the one to tell you to jump over the barbed wire, drunk-text your ex, or, in this case, add a spoken word intro to your already bats reggae Elton John cover on "American Idol.

Kudos to Naima for taking another "boom fiyah" risk. Too bad she sounded like she was suppressing a burp the entire time. Or maybe that's just a side effect when you adopt a fake Jamaican accent? Oh, that accent. We can add Naima's "We be jammin, mon" delivery to Iovine's growing list of projects in which he probably should have told his artist to ditch the cray-cray voice.

See also: Eminem's Relapse album. Unfortunately, I think her magically-appearing accent might be too offbeat for America to support. If you have to beg the studio audience to stand during "I'm Still Standing," you in danger, girl. Five years ago, a younger, skinnier Paul McDonald played "Rocket Man" with his band and it was a self-described disaster.

McDonald's "Idol" version is worthy of a different "D" word: Damn. As in, "Damn, that was pretty damn good. It did for me, and I wasn't the one who thought the flowers on Paul's suit were multiplying. Despite promising America a fast song this week. Pia's promises are as empty as Steven Tyler's critiques. In Pia's defense, what else was she going to do on Elton John night?

The big news is Pia actually showed a little spunk this week. First, she rolled around in broken glass backstage to help accessorize her dress. Pain is beauty! Only a few steps at the beginning, mind you.

Let's not go crazy. For next week's promised "River Deep, Mountain High" cover, she might even lift up her leg when she sings, as J. Lo suggested. Way to compare Pia to a dog, Jennifer.

I got your number, hussy. Also, since when are "Idol" contestants allowed to announce their future song choices? I guess when it's coming from a liar like Pia, all bets are off. Pia's "Don't Let the Sun" was yet another serviceable performance with the perfect big notes landing at precisely the right time. However, it was far from the "Axl Rose meets Fergie" that Iovine inexplicably demanded. Do you normally put Hunt's ketchup packets on your dry-aged filet mignon, Jimmy?

The biggest revelation was that from certain angles, Pia looks exactly like Kara DioGuardi. And that, my friends, is why she will not win "American Idol. Stefano's idea of charming America was suggesting that he didn't need a makeover because he's already cute and then bragging that his photo shoot pants are tight. Get it? His penis is huge. Start speed-dialing, grandmas of America! You too, Memaw McCreery. Seacrest teased that Stefano would have us all singing in our seats, but it's hard to sing along when the vocalist pronounces "ballerina" as "ballerinum" and makes viewers gag by holding Jennifer Lopez's hand for his grand finale.

Did you notice the suspicious side-eye Papa Langone gave Howie Mandel in the audience? That was me when the judges blabbed about how Stefano finally "connected" with the viewers.

Say huh? If "connecting with the audience" means anticipating when a Steadi-cam is about to swoop around you, Stefano did it. If it means keeping an audience on the edge of their seats with your storytelling, however…. At long last, America met "the softer side of Lauren Alaina," the side that doodles deep thoughts in the back of her "New Moon" Trapper Keeper. I mean, it's cool being able to share clothes and stuff but sometimes I want to be the only one in Juicy Couture sweat suits. Like, she can coordinate with me, if that's important to her.

Like, if we both want to wear pink? But as long has her pink outfit is from Chico's or something. In other words, that's how deep her "Candle In the Wind" got. At times, her faux-motional delivery reminded me of Carrie Underwood's perplexing "MacArthur Park" cover.

Someone left the cake out in the rain, and somebody's trying their darndest to keep their inner teenage girl at bay. She's never looked better and she gave the song a beautifully subtle country flavor, but emotionally she channeled Marilyn Monroe It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a He's on the stairs, he's in the laps of audience members, he's on his knees, he's standing on a piano, he's in front of pyro.

It's the kind of performance Simon Cowell would have dismissed as "manic" and "desperate" but this is "American Idol X: More More More More More More" and the more cool crap the director can put on his reel, the better. But the real fireworks came after the song, when Durbin joked with Seacrest about avoiding a Michael Jackson hair-on-fire "Pepsi moment" on a Coca-Cola sponsored show, inadvertently bringing this nation back into the frightening throes of the Cola Wars.

Casey returned to Jimmy Iovine's one-on-one sessions with his tail between his legs. One makeover montage later, Casey premiered his new look and new attitude. Abrams' "Your Song" was the "awwwwww" heard 'round the world. Calmly singing yes, singing! It's curious that insiders are leaking "Casey and Haley" hookup rumors the same week Casey performed one of the sweetest love songs ever written.

But his mid-song look-back and nod to skinny-minnie accompanist Michael Orland was filled with enough passion to fuel three dozen burly fan-fiction stories. Abrams kept his angry face at bay until the very end, at which point the director instantly zoomed out so as to limit folks' nightmares. Unless they're scared of space and planetariums. In that case, they had a hell of a time trying to sleep last night. Nigel Lythgoe would like you to believe that if you say Mary J's name, she will instantly appear to take an awkward closed-eyes fan pic with you.

It didn't work for me just now, though. Cue the dry ice! Cue the fake crying! Cue the anaconda jaw! Cue the endless final note! Cue the histrionics that would make even Jennifer Holliday say, "Simmer, my child. My favorite moment of Tyler Perry Presents Jacob Lusk's hot mess performance was when his over-emotional phrasing turned the lyrics into "When Charo seems to be the hardest word. If you're going to go that far over-the-top, you might as well have a little "cuchi cuchi," too. It's a glorious thing when the "Idol" planets align and an under-appreciated contestant lives up to his or her full potential.

Reinhart threw herself into the song with a wild abandon yet showed Jedi-like control over her voice, which was so on point it helped me swallow that she turned a satirical song about the 's rock scene into "Come hither, Bennie. Bring your bandmates.



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